Our Daily Grind: Two

When I was regularly performing Stand Up Comedy and auditioning for things I didn’t have a hope-in-hell of ever getting, I worked in the service industry. Pubs were far better than restaurants, but both have their advantages and disadvantages.

For several years I worked in a little neighbourhood diner, it was very quaint and had been there since dinosaurs were strutting about. It was family owned and that, too can have its ups and downs. But more on that subject later.

In a pub people are usually there to relax, have a beer and a bite to eat, socialise. In the diner I worked breakfast and lunch everyday. It could be quite stressful and busy. People are often a nightmare when it comes to their food. Plus, they are always in a hurry.

There was a woman who came in, not very regularly but now and then, I think meeting up with an elderly relative in the neighbourhood. Ever single time she came in, when you went to the table she would launch in to a long graphic story about how she was deadly allergic to fish, all the while showing you her Medical Alert bracelet. Now, of course she needs to tell us that, but every time she did, she always looked absolutely furious! I mean, every time. Show the bracelet, scowl, even if fish touches it, I could DIE!  DIE ! *SCOWL*

The first time I waited on her, she ordered something that had fries and I told her that the fish was deep-fried in the same oil. “Oh, that’s okay”. So, not really deathly allergic then. Maybe just a rash? Couple of canker sores? Face swells up? Seriously, she was always such a misery I was half tempted to slip a bit of tuna in her grilled cheese just to see if she would blow up or drop on the floor convulsing . I didn’t.

Anyhow, one day she was there in my section and as I approached the table , her face twisted in anger, like maybe I was responsible for her allergy, she started to pull up her sleeve and put her wrist up in my face  to show me her Medical Alert bracelet. I put my hand up to stop her, put my foot on the bench beside her and pulled up my pant leg to show her a large tattoo on my leg.

Show me your bracelet again, I’ll show you the one on me arse.

No-fish

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