Merry Tuesday

If you celebrate, if not, just have a Tuesday. I’m ignoring as much as I can about this season. Last year sucked a lot, and I swore it would be better this year. The middle of the year got marginally better, as I had a regular (mostly) payday, but I hated earning it.

This year I’m broke and just hovering at zero, but at least I’m not crying and thinking about killing myself and the cats. That was really difficult. So, in a sense, it is better this year. The mood, but not the situation.

Many years ago, when I moved to Vancouver and it was too far to participate in regular Christmas traditions, insomuch as my family had them, this season became so much easier. After my mother passed, my dad and I claimed we didn’t care if we had a Christmas or not.

It was kind of like when you and someone else are expressing yourselves and both say it at the same time. My dad and I did that. ‘I don’t give a shit’ ‘Whew’ ‘Are you sure?’ ‘Yes’ ‘Whew’ ‘Me, too’ ‘Well, I’m glad we had this talk’ ‘You hang up first’.

it was so much easier after that. I didn’t have to spend a shitload of money I didn’t have and be happy about a bunch of crap I was receiving¬†that only proved after X amount of years, my parents had no idea who I was.

I thought about this past year and I had a few really good days, a few weeks and even months, in fact. If there is anything I have learned from life and these forced holidays are enjoy the good when it’s there. It won’t always be.

I decided that those days a few months ago when I had money and was drinking wine on my balcony and my cats had tuna were enough to carry me through this stupid season. Why does it have to be dictated when I can enjoy myself?

When I had income, I bought a large bag of cat food, but not for my cats. I carry some with me and when I see a stray dog or cat, which is always, I give it to them. I often buy a can of dog food, just to have on me for these poor souls, as well.

My Tuesday is okay, today. I still have a bit of food in the house, the cats are fed and it’s a beautiful day here. I can hear music and people celebrating and I am always acutely aware there are always¬†people worse off than I am.

Happy Tuesday, from Jango, Chance and me.

 

JangoChanceMee