It Was Fun While it Lasted

That’s right. Said ‘goodbye’ to another job yesterday.

We no longer require your services

You’re out of here

This is as far as we can go

Fuck off

off

It was bound to happen. In fact, last we met I had had an incident with some twat. I figured the ice was getting a bit thinner underfoot then.

I had brushed off the resume and started paying more attention to my daily job alerts. yes, I still had them coming. I know myself all too well.

I tried really hard not to ‘clap back’ as the kids say. It’s just too tempting.

First is the returning of work with all these cunty, sanctimonious comments. I’d had enough last time.

Then the facebook communication page. It’s fucking amazing to me how many 20 somethings suffer from PTSD.

“OMG! I can’t access the website I need and it triggered my PTSD!” Said one. Seriously. Never left Nebraska, but there it is. perhaps there was that incident with the cow in the cornfield.

I don’t mean to make light, because she may well have all kinds of trauma, but when they all piled all with their, ‘mee too’ bullshit, I was out.

I won’t go into the sordid details but of course, I was in the wrong. No matter.

It just happened yesterday but as soon as I got the email, I felt the cold clamp of fear and dread start tightening its grip.

It never leaves; it just hides in waiting. Waiting for us to trip and it can pounce.

I’m trying to remain optimistic, it’s early days, yet. But I think a bit of panic is needed to get the fire started.

I don’t think I have the wherewithal to visit that dark place again.

But I have felt things shifting in my universe and my solar plexus and so I’m not all that surprised or even upset.

The money aspect is the worst. That panic. Not again.

Ode To Family

On my walk to one of my grocery stores, there is a wall I pass. It’s only about four feet tall, maybe a bit more. It’s a retaining wall, as there is nothing much behind it.

Nothing but garbage, that is. Heaps and heaps and years worth of garbage flung behind the wall. The wall is made of concrete cinder blocks and has been painted with some colourful images, graffiti, some words in Spanish I assume are for advertising.

The wall has been at a tilt for as long as I’ve been walking past it and I always marvel that it is still standing. But marvel no more. Last week on my way past, it had finally given up its secrets.

Layers and layers of garbage, clothes, trees, paper, garbage. Just a wall of it. A wall behind the wall.

I have now stopped in front of it and just stared at it. It’s years worth of crap, crap that has been building and finally let go.

Which brings me to my family. So-called family. I have mostly referred to them as my dad’s family.  Have done for years.

The other day I left a snarky comment on my facebook wall. My wall. It wasn’t directed at anyone in particular and certainly didn’t name anyone.

What followed was my family’s wall of garbage. Finally collapsing down.

Immediately, a few people from my dad’s family snarked back. People who as a rule, don’t seem to even know I’m alive. One comment, from the elder of my father’s family, called me spoilt and called me a brat.

Well, fuck you.

To be honest, his response had nothing to do with my asshole comment as the comment had nothing to do with him. This was something that’s been sitting in the chamber a while now. Years would be my guess.

What it tells me was that the last piece of garbage it took for his layers to come tumbling down. This from someone who, aside from this year, couldn’t even be bothered to wish me a happy birthday.

Mostly because he’s too busy sharing posts that depict racial and xenophobic messages. Memes, I guess that he’s too fucking stupid to know are not an actual photograph.

One of the other comments suggested that ‘It was really very simple if I didn’t like something, then I should just keep moving and shut up’.  Ummm… kinda like you just fucking did? Oh, no. I guess you’re exempt, aren’t you Princess?

She still isn’t able to see the fucking hypocrisy in her comment. Check your fucking ego.

I decide to just say fuck it. Fuck them, my father’s family. If they are that cunty to me on my facebook, image what they must say about me while they are sitting around hating me.

You want an apology? Here ya go.

I’m sorry my dad left his money to me, his daughter, and not you, whoever the fuck you are. We don’t owe you anything. You are the one who inherited his business. You are the ones who drank it into the ground.

I’m sorry that after struggling for over a year to survive, I actually fucking did it, without your help. Without your compassion or even your concern.

I’m sorry you are ao boring or bored or stuck up your own stupid asshole to enjoy life. But I no longer care. It’s been mostly making nice anyhow, as we have never been close.

Yeah, sorry, not sorry, as the kids say. From the kid no one gives a fuck about.

Rant over. My dad’s daughter, out.

 

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